Is Provocation a Means to React?

By Chanel Davis

Have you ever been in a confrontation, and someone was provoking you by pushing your buttons to result in you acting out of character? There have been instances where someone attempted to get a reaction out of me and TRIED me to the max! Whether it was by name-calling or raising their voice. I am one who tries at best to never deal with confrontations. But now and then, you start to feel your blood boil where you are ready to let anyone and everyone have it!

One of my favorite shows, the Real Housewives of Potomac, recently aired an episode where two castmates got into an altercation that turned physical. Monique Samuels and Candiace Dillard were the two individuals involved. The confrontation started with a disagreement in a winery where the group celebrated a literary award received by another castmate. Now tension was very much present prior between the two women having different opinions of what a friend should and should not do. The typical she said/she said scenario where a simple, mature conversation without outside parties interfering could have resolved to agree to disagree.

Before hands and wine glasses were thrown, words were exchanged between the two women about whether the other was a real and genuine friend. Once verbal threats were made and the occurrence of the one thing everyone hates to see when they are in the middle of a confrontation: the finger in the face! Once Candiace placed her finger in Monique’s face while asking her if she was “going to drag her?” Monique took the finger’s cue in the front as threatening and then proceeded to reach and aggressively flip Candiace’s hair in response. When personal space was violated, hair was grabbed very shortly after, and a fist hit ahead. Monique’s fist, that is. To Candice’s head.

When the bystander cast mates tried to break up the fight with security and the camera crew, the two parties were split, and Monique was taken to a room to keep her from further attacking.
Monique’s recollection of the fight as she was being provoked and heavily disrespected by Candiace and insulted to the point of no return. She stated she reached to flip her hair and then blacked out.
While Candiace is rushed from the scene into a car to ensure her safety, she continues yelling insults and slurs of how ghetto and ratchet Monique is for initiating the fight.

Now many agreed that Candiace’s mouth is lethal, and she is very disrespectful. But, they did not think it was meant for Monique to shift her wig. While feeling her words were not permissible to result in being attacked, Candiace is in tears in the car on the way home while on the phone with her husband. As she explains her husband’s events, Candiace admits that she knows her mouth is very disrespectful, but she is not one ever to go around and place her hands on anyone.
This situation made me feel very indifferent. Please don’t crucify me, but I do not think that I could take someone continually approaching me with insults, raising their voice, and placing the forbidden finger in my face.

I agree that violence is never the answer, but being pushed to your limits can sometimes result in you reacting without much thought of the potential consequences, especially in the moment’s heat.
I will say both women shared a part in the events that led up to the brawl. One should never poke a bear and expect no consequences. On the other hand, by no means should word ever push you to the point of ruining your reputation and image. This season of Real Housewives of Potomac is indeed not disappointing with the continuous entertainment. Will there be more situations of provocation presented? Will they be able to resolve their issue and move forward?

Guess we will have to stay tuned.


Chanel Davis is a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Chanel is the creator and operator of the Diary Of A Chocolate Girl podcast aiming to connect with chocolate girls all over through personal experiences and opinions with mild humor and a spiritual flare. Be sure to connect on IG and Facebook @DiaryofaChocolateGirl

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