Single Black Women: What’s Our Plan for Valentine’s Day?

By Tanay Adams

Happy Black History Month! 

Happy End of January! 

Happy Nina Simone’s Birthday Month!


Happy Girl Scout Cookies Month!

We have officially entered February which also means this is the month of Valentine’s Day. A day of love that is mainly manufactured by Hallmark to sell cards, and to probably make sure that more Libra’s and Scorpio’s are born, is upon us once again, and though I am a huge fan of 75% off chocolate the next day; the holiday sometimes bums me out. As a single Black woman, in the middle of a pan de queso, without any dating prospects, I know my Valentine’s Day isn’t going to look as glamorous as the one in my daydreams. There’s not going to be a candlelit seafood dinner in the Georgia aquarium with mister tall, dark, and handsome waiting for me on that day, because it doesn’t exist, but what will exist is whatever I plan for. Since I know this day is coming, I like to have a plan in place for me so that I don’t end up on the floor after sad scrolling through social media all day. It has happened before and if I don’t take the time to plan and make the holiday special for me, I know it will happen again. 

So this year I am planning to limit my social media scrolling to just one hour that morning and to take a walk outside before I do anything else that day. Sometimes I forget how big and beautiful the outside world is, and I’ll need that reminder throughout the day when I’m inside. I want to make sure that I have my flowers at least 2 days before, so I don’t have to wrestle with someone’s boyfriend in Trader Joe’s, and I want French Toast for breakfast because I never make it just for myself. I’m currently working on my rom-com movie list because through them I can go as many dates as I want without risk and I’ll probably order a pizza so that someone else is making my dinner that night. I love baking, so I will be making myself something decadent for dessert; maybe creme brulee, or something fancy like that. I’m considering ordering myself a new bedroom toy for the day, but I’m still interviewing candidates so I haven’t decided on that yet, but the point is, I’m getting my plan together. 

Being single usually doesn’t bother me for the majority of the year, but ’every year on Valentine’s Day my singleness is highlighted in bright marker and feels like my only defining characteristic. It can be triggering and isolating, which are the opposite of what the holiday is supposed to evoke and the effects can last days and weeks after. Because I have had to fight myself, my family, and the world to build the confidence that I now have, I am fully in the business of protecting it and that protection involves making sure I make this day special for me every year. So what’s your plan? Are you baking for your best friends? Buying a new toy? Taking the longest bath ever? Sending out Valentine’s in the mail to your loved ones? Painting and drinking in your living room? Whatever it is, make sure you have a plan, and stay off the floor. I love you!

Tanay Adams– Tanay M.A. is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tanay’s passions lie in holistic education and creative/poetry writing; both are heavily influenced by her love of Black Women, and her love of creation. You can follow her on Instagram @theamazingtanayzing.

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