Don’t Be Afraid to Say, “No, I Deserve Better Than This.”

By Latasha McGill

Last week as I was scrolling on Facebook, a guy posted the picture below:

I didn’t comment, but I was curious, so I read some of the comments under the post. A good majority of the women said yes, they would accept a proposal with the ring in the photo and a handful of women said they would not. Later in the day, another male Facebook friend posted the same photo and tagged many women in the post to garner a myriad of responses. I saw the second male Facebook friend commenting on the first guy’s post regarding the photo and going back and forth with a woman who said she would not accept the proposal. I peeked and read some of the comments under his post, too. I was floored at the number of women who said they would accept this ring and be satisfied with it.

Now, before you start judging me, calling me names, or accusing me of only wanting a ring, I implore you to read this article with an open mind. I will not in any way, shape, form, or fashion accept a proposal with a ring such as the one pictured above. For decades, black women have been conditioned to accept less and give more. This paradigm was handed down from generations long before us. Women of color, for the most part, have seemed to accept this notion without questioning it and without pushing back.

What boggles my mind is how black men will quickly tell women, “know your worth,” call us queens and say how much they love us, but the minute we start knowing and showing our worth, demanding to be treated as queens, wearing our crowns and loving ourselves, we fall off our pedestals because we start to refuse the crumbs they present to us. The engagement ring is a symbol of the love the couple has shared during their courtship and it signifies that the man values, respects, and cherishes the woman so deeply and wants to love her forever as Christ loves the church. I am not suggesting by any means that a man should purchase a ring he cannot afford to prove his love. That is not at all what I am suggesting.

What I am saying is the ring pictured above symbolizes unpreparedness. The man who would offer this ring to a woman and ask for her hand in marriage may not be financially ready to provide for a wife, home and/or family. Ladies, don’t be fooled into thinking that accepting this ring proves how much you love a man. The right man will never have you feeling like you must prove your love to him by accepting less than you deserve. We should desire men who are prepared, protectors and providers. Furthermore, whatever behaviors we accept, we will continue to receive. It’s time-out for women accepting empty promises with dreams of his potential. I’ll be honest, there was a time in my life where I would have been happy to accept the ring in the photo because I desired a husband just that badly. My needs, feelings, and desires did not matter as much as wanting to be a wife. Don’t get me wrong, I still desire to be a wife and I know I shall be. However, I am no longer the woman who will accept anything to be someone’s wife. Because the man who is blessed to take me as his wife will have the best! He will have a wife who is walking in her power and her purpose.

Guys, we love you all, and we hear you when you say, “there’s nothing like a black woman.” If you cherish us like you say you do, value us, respect us, and acknowledge our love as incomparable and unmatched, then don’t present us with kibbles and bits but want us to give you filet mignon treatment in return.

And ladies, if we call ourselves queens, it’s time-out for accepting peasant treatment. Every queen I’ve ever read about, Queen Esther, Nefertiti and even Sheba were women who exuded behaviors worthy of being called Queen. We are no different in 2019. We deserve to receive the full rights of a queen by walking in excellence and being loved by a King who recognizes our royalty.

Latasha “Tasha Mac” McGill is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tasha Mac is a grammar geek who is obsessed with coffee, high heels, lipstick, 90s R&B and Comic book movies. She is also a vegetarian whose idea of “turning up” is being in bed by 9pm, working out, watching HGTV and reading a book.

Connect with her on Facebook @ Latasha McGill, on Instagram @ TashaMac523, on Twitter @ LadyT523