Black Women & Growing Pains

By Quasha Ross

Growing pains can have you down severely. They come when you’re least expecting them, but sometimes they lead you towards new ideas and perspectives in life.

I’ve been experiencing growing pains lately, and one thing I’ve realized is that I have to unlearn certain behaviors and ideas. I didn’t know I needed to unlearn certain behaviors until I moved hundreds of miles away from my hometown and started socializing with different people.

I’ve always maintained a “survival” mindset, but when I moved away and began building relationships with my now friend group, I realized these women were thriving! They wanted more, and they were getting more. They were demanding greatness. Whether it was a higher salary, a better relationship, vacations every other weekend, or simply prioritizing time for personal growth, they were adamant about living life fully and not just surviving. As cliche as it may sound, they were coming to slay. My encounters with these women made me realize that I shouldn’t limit myself to survival but seek things I desire. Most importantly, they taught me that those things could be obtained.

I’ve also been raised to be a strong, independent, black woman. My mama taught me that! Honestly, she was superwoman in my book. She was to the rescue whenever I needed her. Although I admire my mom for killing the parenthood game and being such a bomb human being, I recognize that I don’t have to be a superwoman. I can desire the help of a man. I can be soft and let him do the heavy lifting. I can ask for help because, at times, I can’t do everything on my own. I am learning that love is possible and that you don’t have to be a superwoman to deserve it.

I’m learning to prioritize my mental health with meditation and devotion. Setting the intention for my day through meditation gives me something to look forward to and provides purpose for the day. Prayer and talking to God help me center my day and my thoughts. I also trust him with everything that crosses my mind, things that a friend may not be able to handle. I used to think just waking up and starting the day without personal reflection or personal time was acceptable, but now I know it’s essential to fill up my cup before pouring into others’.

I don’t think there’s a blueprint to navigating growing pains, so I encourage you to grow willingly. At times you won’t understand the entire journey, but your willingness to take the journey is what matters most.

Happy Growing!


Quasha Rossis a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. She’s a creative writer who believes writing is a true art form. Find Quasha on Instagram @quashaross_

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