By Sydney Turner
Whenever I get sad, there is some little voice in my head that goes, “don’t cry! You a bad bitch bad bitches don’t cry!” and maybe that is a slight exaggeration of that voice… but that’s basically what happens every time. We constantly talk about how difficult it is for men to express their emotions and feel vulnerable. While that matters, I think there are a good amount of Black women who also need to be told that it is okay to express their emotions.
Growing up, any adult’s reaction to cry was always terrible, like it was some incredible sin or crime to be visibly upset. Especially when I was upset because of something they did and did not want to apologize for. I was constantly told how weak emotions were as a girl, and I did not want to be weak. So after a while of this, I stopped crying completely. I mean, I would go to funerals of people I loved and be unable to cry; all my emotions would just get stuffed on top of one another. And the worst part is I was proud of that; I thought I was strong for not showing emotions so quickly like others around me. In refusing to acknowledge my emotions, I felt a sense of strength, but all it did was hurt me.
After going to therapy and creating more safe spaces for myself, I finally felt power in vulnerability. The tears came quickly; I cry at really anything now; it’s almost embarrassing. And recently, I was embarrassed about it. A mindset goes around now where the words “stop crying before I give you something to cry about” have transformed into “bad bitches don’t cry!”. What is interesting about both statements is although one seems to be empowering, both are invalidating. Yea, maybe some things may feel stupid to cry about stress, the person who you knew wasn’t shit not being shit, old wounds, etc. But if we are crying about it, if we are so upset that our body is attempting to self-soothe, how stupid can it be? If we are stressed, feeling taken for granted, or upset about something old, we deserve to know that so we can hold people and ourselves accountable. When we cry, the body releases endorphins and oxytocin to relieve emotional stress and physical pain. Crying is our body’s way of trying to make us feel better, and after a good cry, we usually do. If we do not acknowledge our emotions, they will persist and eventually take over no matter how stupid we think they are. Bad bitches do cry. Bad bitches cry so that they can healthily handle their emotions and not project onto others years later. Bad bitches allow themselves the space to be vulnerable because no one can be strong all the time. Bad bitches cry so they can heal and implement boundaries and become even badder bitches.
Sydney Turner is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Sydney believes in the power of Black women of every background and is invested in bringing attention to our unique perspective on important topics. You can follow Sydney on instagram @syd_pie11.
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