I Don’t Audition for Men

By Jasmine Kelly

I do not know who needs to hear this, but I am coming straight from the hip with this one. Lean in and listen closely; SIS, WE DON’T AUDITION TO DATE MEN OVER HERE. PERIOD! Yes, now that I have said my peace, let me tell you where I am coming from. 

The Situation 

It was a cool Saturday night, you know, the vibes, fall, and the air is feeling nice. I was minding my business, and low and behold; a young man texted me. We have been texting for like two weeks now, and I wondered when we were going to go on an outing. I was on the way back from an event with my mom, and we were heading home for the night. It was late, and I did not have any other plans that didn’t involve me lying in my bed.

It was not enough that he did not give me prior notice before wanting to go out. I don’t know about anyone else, but for me, the first link requires prior notice. Get this yall; the man wanted to take me out to Waffle House. Waffle House. Don’t get me wrong, I am an All-Star Special girl, but I was utterly turned off considering the context.

It was almost 11 o clock at night, he didn’t give me prior notice, and again, this was the first date. It was giving selfishness, and in all honesty, I felt like he was trying me. I did not have the energy to do any in-depth explaining. So, I simply texted back; I don’t do Waffle House for the first date. 

For Clarification 

I told some of my close friends about the incident, and many of my women friends felt the same way, well, because we know things. However, my guy friends said maybe the man was trying to see if I was worthy of going somewhere better. They noted that many dudes like to “chill first” before taking a woman somewhere really nice. They said out of their mouths to me, “You know, make sure that she worth it.” Uhm, excuse me?! I understand that dating can be a sick, sad world (word to Daria), but she (me) doesn’t audition for me; if I was good enough for him to ask for my number, then certainly I am good enough for him to make a good first impression.

Some of you may say that maybe that is all that he knows, and perhaps it took a lot for him to do that, and I understand. However, creativity goes very far with me. Not to mention effort. Furthermore, based on prior conversations that I have had with him, I knew that money was not an issue. I am not saying take me to Ruth Chris for the first date (even though I’m worth it) but don’t lowball me either. I am worth more, and I don’t have to explain that to anyone. Even more so, I am not wasting my time with a man by “trying out” for him just so that he can ensure my worth for future outings. No thanks!

The Revelation

Please keep in mind that I am a 30-year-old woman. I say that because context is everything. For me, an All-Star Special for the first date is a no go. However, if I were a college student, it would have been all good. For those who date men, the lesson is that you need not waste your time proving yourself to them. If a man is interested in you, he will put in the required effort. I am passionate about this, especially as a Black woman. I will not allow anyone, especially a man, to set the bar low with me. 

Keep your standards high and don’t feel bad about them; I don’t. 

Jasmine Kelly is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Jasmine is a higher education professional who believes in the powers of Black Twitter. You can follow her on Instagram @chicomydusty.

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