Love and Happiness: It’s Not You, It’s Me– Literally

By Ke’Ana Lampkins

This will probably be the hardest to hear. It’s so easy in relationships to point the finger at the other person. It’s their lack of communication or their anger issues, not yours. It’s their insensitivity, and their lack of consideration, not yours. And sometimes sis, it is them. But sometimes it’s you too.

It was so difficult for me to conceptualize this. When you call and vent to your girlfriends or your mom, it’s usually you venting about what someone else has done to you. But I’ll never forget I was venting to one of my best friends about something I didn’t like that my husband did, and she did something I totally didn’t expect. She asked me why did it matter. And although I felt so justified in being mad, and I had all the reasons lined up for why I was mad about it. None of them seemed like good reasons anymore. Part of it was because I was being checked and I was much more level headed at that point.

But the more important reason that I wasn’t expecting was that she pointed out something that I may have needed to change. I’ve had many moments like this. Whether they were, ‘come to Jesus’ moments between me and God or through actual conversations that I had with my husband or friends, it led to reflection, evaluation, and growth.

It’s so important to evaluate yourself. With the mental health boom, it’s become popular to engage in self-care and get help and support. But it’s also important to have a support system that will hold you accountable and help you with areas of growth.

We all have those best friends who are always going to be on our side. It’s never going to be our fault. But make sure you have someone around you who can check and challenge you and make you better.

Stay tuned for more from this series!

Ke’Ana Lampkins is a contributing writer for The Pedestal Project, LLC. Ke’Ana is a Christian, wife, and mother dedicated to empowering young girls and women through counseling, mentorship, and education. Connect with her on Instagram @Beautifully_Yanni.