By Latasha McGill
Most people think it’s impossible to have a fulfilling relationship without sex being involved. I never thought like that; I just never had the courage, the will and the strength to stand up for what I know to be true. My desire to be wanted, loved and to give love coupled with my fears of abandonment and rejection overpowered my will to live the right way for God when it came to abstaining from sex until marriage. That was then and this is now. Now, I’m free from those past fears and lies I allowed the enemy to use to keep me bound. I am committed to live a life of celibacy until my future husband and I say, “I do.”
Abstaining from sex has never been an issue. I’ve gone as long as two years without being sexually active; however, I’ve never committed to celibacy. Abstinence is disengaging in sexual intercourse for a time. Celibacy is a commitment to God to keep one’s body holy until a union of marriage has taken place. Some people may say, “that’s the same thing.” It’s not the same thing. Allow me to explain. My phases of abstinence were a choice because there was no one around during certain periods of my life I wanted to entertain in a romantic way. It’s easy for some of us to not partake in casual sex, one night stands and the ever popular “friends with benefits.” However, when someone came along with whom I had a romantic interest in, someone I thought I could possibly have a future with, abstinence was over, and I was the fornicating Christian. As a woman of God, it is spiritually, emotionally and even physically stressful to participate in behaviors you know aren’t pleasing to God. Although I knew what I was doing was wrong, I made excuses for my behavior. I gave fornication other names such as “exclusive relationship”, “future husband”, and “soulmate.” There is no excuse for disobedience and God was not pleased.
We’ve all seen the meme or heard the phrase, “love has become harder to find because sex has become so easy to get.” It’s a hard truth to admit, but nonetheless, it is true. And sadly, some of us ladies, have laid the foundation for this phrase. I’ve said this before, but as women, we do not make a guy earn us. We have gotten so comfortable in “owning our sexuality” and “Imma do me” until men don’t care about courting us with the idea of making us their wives. And if they do want to get married, it’s usually years of courtship before a marriage takes place. That’s because they are not in a rush to marry a woman when they are boyfriends with husband privileges.
Is this journey easy all the time? No. I would be lying if I said it is because I am a woman with the same physiological needs on Maslow’s Hierarchy as everyone else. However, what I need from God and from myself far outweighs my desire to satisfy my flesh. In this season, I am not romantically linked to anyone. I know one day that will change and I am going to meet the man I’ve been praying for (and Lord help me if he has a tapered beard, wears bowties and is over 6 feet tall, ha!) Even when he arrives dressed in all the physical attributes that will be appealing to me, I am going to unequivocally, with no qualms let him know that my body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, and I cannot and will not be physically intimate with another man who is not my husband. And, if he cannot accept this, then I will say, “I understand,” and thank God for removing a man who is not meant to be with me. If I don’t know anything else to be true, I know my future husband will desire me, but he will respect my commitment to God because he, too, will be honoring the Lord with the same commitment. I went through some painful lessons before I gained this level of understanding for myself. I’m grateful for the growth that came from those lessons because I now have true peace and freedom.
Latasha “Tasha Mac” McGill is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tasha Mac is a grammar geek who is obsessed with coffee, high heels, lipstick, 90s R&B and Comic book movies. She is also a vegetarian whose idea of “turning up” is being in bed by 9pm, working out, watching HGTV and reading a book.
Connect with her on Facebook @ Latasha McGill, on Instagram @ TashaMac523, on Twitter @ LadyT523