By Latasha McGill
As I was contemplating what my next post was going to be, this topic kept dropping in my spirit. I had to be sure first, that I was ready to talk about this and secondly, that my motives for doing so were for the right reasons. I am very much ready to discuss this, not because I want to bash my ex or any other male, but because I am committed to sharing and being transparent about my life experiences to help others reach their full potential in every aspect of their lives. (Now that I’ve gotten the disclaimer out of the way, let me to share with you the story behind the title.)
When I first met him, I was so excited because I instantly felt a connection and I thought it was mutual. I had been single for about two years and when I met him, it felt right. Everything moved so fast, and I was okay with that because I had waited so long, and I thought he was “the one.” You know what I’m talking about, the one we’ve been praying for, the one who checks off most of the boxes on our list. I was sure this was it, so I looked past the red flags that presented themselves almost immediately and focused on everything else that was good about us. After all, he had taken me to meet his mom, family and told me I was his wife, and washed my truck on the first date (lol). No one had ever washed my truck on the first date, so he had me and I thought I had him.
I wanted this to be real. I wanted him to be my last first kiss, so I did any and everything I could to let him know and see that I was worthy of being his wife. I’m sure some of you are probably thinking, well most women who want to show they are wife material cook, clean, and wash among other things. Yes, I did all that, but I also changed and compromised myself to fit into his world. I was never accustomed to his way of living but I adapted because I wanted to be with him. I cut people off, fell back from my friends, stopped being involved in social and community activities that gave me great joy, stopped being who I was and the most detrimental of all, my spiritual life was suffering which meant I was suffering. My prayer life was not as active as it had been, my attendance at Bible study became almost non-existent and when I was at church on Sunday mornings all I could think about was getting to him after it was over. Don’t get me wrong, I was not being held prisoner, but I had made him my entire life and I was fine with that. I was spending most of my time at his house and going home with him in the evenings. I enjoyed our life together although we had rough times. We had great times together so I was convinced that we would get past the bad times because we loved one another, and we were committed to our relationship. I did whatever he wanted, cut off whomever he told me to, and was totally committed to him. I was convinced we were partners; best friends and we were planning a life together. We were the social media “it couple” and I was happy to share some of our life with family and friends on the internet.
When the breakup happened, I was completely and utterly DEVASTATED. I was so heartbroken and destroyed until there were days when I didn’t know if I would make it through. I was a walking zombie for weeks and even months after it happened. He walked away and DID NOT look back. I cried, hollered, and pleaded with him to talk to me. He wouldn’t do it. Then one day it happened. I HAD THE EPIPHANY I needed to get myself together. I had people praying for me of course, but I was also praying for myself. Those prayers started with repentance. I realized that I had to truly go to God and repent for the lifestyle I was living while dating this man. I was participating in ungodly behaviors that as a woman of God I should not have been doing. Anything you put before God will ultimately be taken away from you. And yes, while I was still attending church services, I was not being the Woman of God I once was and should have been. I was more focused on protecting my relationship and getting his last name when I should have been focused on God.
Why am I sharing something so personal and deep about myself? Why am I subjecting myself to water cooler conversations and social media ridicule to write about this? The answer is simple. Because I want the person who is too ashamed to admit they are going through the same thing to know they are not alone. I want women to know that no matter what they’ve done in their past, they are worthy of real, healthy, whole and genuine love. Forget those lies that the enemy has told you, you don’t have to put up with anything less than God’s best.
I made so many mistakes looking back. But now as I’ve been in my season of healing, I can honestly say that I realized why I allowed myself to stay in a relationship that was unhealthy. Today, I have so much peace. I’m not dating anyone, but that is intentional. I am not rushing into dating or a relationship. I’m taking time for myself and being focused in this season. Some of the lessons I’ve learned from my last relationship have taught me what not to do going forward. Ladies, we need to stop going from zero to one hundred when we first meet a guy. Some of us will call a guy our “man” after the second or third date. Get to know a person first before you decide to be exclusive with him. Make a guy earn you. We as women don’t’ do that enough. We will give a man EVERYTHING, our heart, mind, body and soul within the first three weeks of meeting him. That is all wrong. The Bible says to “protect our hearts because out of them flows the issues of life.” We sometimes do a poor job of protecting our hearts and when things go left, we are in a million little pieces. That is not what God want for us. Make peace with your past and know that you are the BOMB and deserve your pedestal and if the guy you are dating does not realize that, He may not be the one for you. Love yourself wholly and completely. You are amazing with or without a man. DON’T compromise because you are the prize and if he doesn’t realize that you are the best then God will move him out of the way, and you will be blessed.
Latasha “Tasha Mac” McGill is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tasha Mac is a grammar geek who is obsessed with coffee, high heels, lipstick, 90s R&B and Comic book movies. She is also a vegetarian whose idea of “turning up” is being in bed by 9pm, working out, watching HGTV and reading a book.
Connect with her on Facebook @ Latasha McGill, on Instagram @ TashaMac523, on Twitter @ LadyT523