By DaiJhah Owens
Truth is I’m tired, options are few, I’ve tried to pray, but where are you…… I’m just playing y’all, but for real, sis is TIRED! Like the tired that not even a good 8 hours of sleep can fix. As I look around the state of our country and what it has to offer Black womxn, I get so down. From government policies trying to kill and suppress us, the black community, and the larger pop culture trying to eat us alive, it is a lot! And as a Black womxn who is actively in this fight, on the front lines, advocating for Black womxn to have improved all-around livelihoods, it can get very discouraging. And the most draining thing about it is people still don’t believe Black womxn have it any worse than anyone else. People are still not convinced. So, how does one keep fighting a battle people think is imaginary?
My mind seems to always be on improving outlooks for Black womxn, one because it’s necessary, two because of freaking self-preservation! But the more work I see that needs to be done, the work I see ALREADY being done, I get so fatigued. Like, how can society still choose to be so ignorant and blind to the plight of Black womxn. After everything that has happened over the last 400 years, after the suffering Black womxn have endured, sometimes co-signed by the black community, y’all still choose to ignore us willfully?! I’m sorry, but it can all be too much. Sometimes I think to myself, “Am I crazy? Am I hallucinating this battle?” But then I link up with other brilliant Black womxn, and I snap out of it. We’re all seeing and experiencing different variations of the same suffering, but no one is listening to us, but us! It’s like we’re just constantly screaming out to each other, “You good, sis?” “Yeah, I’m good sis, I’m still here.” Because in the grand scheme of things, we are genuinely all we have (even if some Black womxn don’t realize it.)
This feels like one long rant, but this is what my soul needs, and I have a feeling there are other Black womxn out there, fighting the good fight, that are feeling the same.
I am choosing to, in these moments of hopelessness and tiredness, just allow myself to be. Allow myself to exist as I am, without trying to fix, or fight, or change anything. I’m choosing to lay down my fists, not in surrender but in pause. I realize that this fight for the soul of Black womxn is the long game, the long night. It will take more than likely last my whole life, and I’m young, so I have a lot of battle left. But instead of tending to the next political battle or gearing up for the next protest or social media debate, I choose to pause, a quiet, sacred, gentle, calming pause.
Taking care of myself today, so I can live to fight another one.
DaiJhah Owens is a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. DaiJhah is passionate about shifting political power to oppressed groups through education. She believes there is nothing more powerful than an educated black woman who can smell political BS a mile away! Connect with her on Instagram at @d_nakhole!