By Diary of a Chocolate Diary
The struggles of dating and finding “the one” has been a constant struggle of wants vs. needs. Everyone has the ideal person in the mind of what they would desire for them to look like, their qualities, what they can bring to the table, along with a laundry list that we all know in reality we may or may not even meet ourselves. However, finding love should not be something that comes around often. It takes self-reconstruction to be prepared for when the right one crosses your path.
I use to believe that the qualities I wanted in a partner were things that were always going to be non-negotiable. If they did not have it, they could not have me. I was hell-bent on finding my perfect partner. When reality hit, I started to sit and dwell on my qualities and how desirable would they be for the person I was seeking. When honesty aligns with reality, I was in no type of position to ask for the things in which I demanded. I need a lot of self-work to ensure I was ready for a partner. I had poor communication skills, I was all about self, I did not know what healthy compromise was, and on top of all of this, I was VERY shallow.
I can admit all of this.
However, the road of these self-discoveries did not come easy as a microwave dinner. I had to go through many lessons from relationships, situationships, and downright disasters to help me create healthy lists of wants and needs. I had to learn that what I was asking, I had to be able to be willing to give those things. I had to learn to look deeper than appearance and learn what awakens my soul aside from just physical attributes.
Lastly, I had to get over my fear of disappointment. Being afraid of vulnerability can stop anyone from pursuing it. It also holds you back into the land of “what ifs.” Just like we choose to try in our everyday lives, whether it be a new job, moving to a new city, or trying a new restaurant, your level expectation always has a chance of disappointment. However, the beauty is in stepping out to experience.
My hiatus from finding love was still a necessary one. I was able to connect with myself and build up who I am to face challenges and prepare to be ready to meet and recognize what will be meant for me. I have a different outlook on finding love, as the journey to the discovery will be the prelude to the beginning of my happily ever after.
Chanel Davis is a contributing writer and the creator and operator of the Diary Of A Chocolate Girl podcast aiming to connect with chocolate girls all over through personal experiences and opinions with mild humor and a spiritual flare. Be sure to connect on IG and Facebook @DiaryofaChocolateGirl.