I’m Tired of Talking about “High-Value Men”

By Quasha Ross

In any corner of social media, you will most likely come across the phrase, “high-value man.” When discussing relationships, specifically when discussing what women deserve, this phrase is thrown around quite a bit. Women are being told that they don’t deserve a “high-value man” and that to be in the running for one, we must look, dress, behave, and play the part. Here’s why I’m over the “high-value man” rhetoric: the phrase alone is deceptive.

First, let me say that I know some women feel differently about this matter. Personally, I believe there is a significant difference between a “high-value man” and a high-earning man. I think it’s essential to explicitly state this because, as women and men, obtaining actual value in any relationship requires much more than money.

The way “high-value man” is portrayed throughout social media is that such a man is simply high earning. Let’s be honest; some of these high-making men are only familiar with a dollar value. So how are these same high-making men suppose to know how to add actual value to a woman’s life? We see it all the time, especially in the entertainment industry. These high-earning men cheat, abuse, misuse, and break down women, but they have money, so it’s ok. I’m not saying all high-earning men are like this, but we need to admit that many of them are this way.

To avoid being a victim of the problematic rhetoric taking place today and internalizing the fallacy that high value equals high earning, we must first understand what high value means to us.
I thought long and hard about this because I was genuinely bothered at how men of invisible caliber and credentials have embarrassed women publicly and deemed them unworthy of these “high-value men.” I thought about how it’s possible to encounter a high-value man who also does well financially. I also looked deep into what “value” is. Value is defined as a person’s principles or standards of behavior. It is also the worth or usefulness of something.

Suppose we are discussing high-value men because we sincerely want men and women to thrive in relationships with one another. In that case, we must understand that it takes more than high earnings to develop and sustain fruitful unions.

To me, a high-value man is not full of self-righteousness and pride. He listens when others speak. He does not inflict abuse with fits of rage, manipulation, or degradation. He acknowledges his shortcomings and strives to be better for himself. He does not build himself upon the backs of women who are eager for monetary gain or on the backs of genuinely seeking love. He does not betray infidelity solely because he has options. There are many qualities of a high-value individual, and those qualities are not merely founded on the individual’s aesthetics.

I’m tired of hearing about “high-value men” because the phrase is being misrepresented. Let’s boast about the faithful men, the men who are still in the home with their families, the men who still respect women, and the men who check men that disrespect women. But unfortunately, these are the men that are referred to as “simps.” Isn’t that crazy? Men are called simps for respecting and uplifting women, especially black women.

Whether a man is CEO of a company or just making ends meet, his value rests in his personal morals and values. A Birkin bag shouldn’t be the standard to make us women settle for less. We deserve true value, which is something money can’t buy.


Quasha Ross is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. She’s a creative writer who believes writing is a true art form. Find Quasha on Instagram @quashaross_

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