By Latasha McGill
I am not sure when this became a trend, but I see it often on social media. Women are posting daily about married men or men in relationships sending them private chat messages. I am by no means excusing the behavior of these men. However, I often question the motives of the women who are so called “calling these men out or putting other men on notice” that they are uninterested in dating married men. Some may think these women are doing the right thing; and that is their opinion. But, threatening to contact someone’s spouse or significant other? I mean, why? I have been a cheated on spouse and I have dated an inbox troller before. So, believe me when I say the pain of this behavior is real. Ladies, if you truly are not interested in dating married men, there is no need to blast that on your timeline. No response, an unfriend or block is the loudest response to a disrespectful jerk like this.
We all know the good, bad, and ugly of social media. The last thing a woman wants to see who is questioning her spouse’s loyalty is another woman posting about married men in her inbox. You never know what feelings that may trigger. Has she seen her man react with the heart to 50 of your photos? I know the first place we run to is a person’s insecurities. However, many people have had relationship trauma. And, some have not healed nor recovered from them. I have been divorced for a long time; longer than social media’s popularity so I cannot speak from that perspective. However, I have spoken with many women about their cheating spouses/significant others and the pain it caused them. The stories I have heard are truly heartbreaking. And, most of the infidelity began on social media. Do I think the women who are posting about married men flirting with them are all dating married men? I do not. But again, I must question the motives. I often see women entertain married men or men in relationships in their comment section and the next week making a PSA or Public Declaration saying, “If you are married, stay out of my inbox.” When I say entertain, I mean really entertaining them with what I call behavior that a spouse or significant other may question. We cannot control other people’s behavior; however, we can control how we react or do not react to it. Marriage is sacred and honorable to God; it is not an institution to be played with. I desire to be married again one day. I know marriage requires work from both parties. I know how I felt when I discovered my ex-spouse’s infidelity and when I realized someone I thought I had a future with was in every woman’s inbox on social media. Ladies think about how you would feel. I’ve seen grown women actually bragging about how “These men ain’t loyal. He is posting photos of his woman but in my inbox.” If you are desiring to be in a healthy relationship/marriage one day, be careful of what you are posting. There may be someone interested in you but turned off by this behavior. He may be questioning your motives as well or see a pattern of behavior that could have led to this occurring. I am not the social media police. I am someone who wants you to be your best self.
People love to say social media and reality are two different worlds. I disagree. I think they are silent neighbors. People are more consistent with who they are on social media than they are in most of their relationships. I am not saying we know the whole person based on social media, but you get a fairly good picture of their character by what they post, their friends, profile picture, etc.… So, I caution you, the next time you want to post about that fella who was in your inbox, put yourself in the shoes of a woman who is trying to figure out what her next move is for her marriage/relationship, ask yourself why are you doing it? what will it solve? Is this the woman I want people to see me as? Do not say you do not care what others think. Overall, in the grand scheme of things, we should not. But if you care about your reputation and your brand you should. Your social media posts reflect who you are and your brand. Do not destroy what you have built to call out some jerk who is disrespecting his spouse/significant other. You are better than that. Delete/block and keep it moving.
Latasha “Tasha Mac” McGill is a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tasha Mac is a mom of four adult daughters, a vegan, and a workout junkie who lives by the mantra Whole Person Healthy. It is her journey of total wellness in all areas of life. She enjoys encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring people to discover their own journey of total wellness and seek wholeness and freedom every day. Her favorite guilty pleasure is veggie chips with hummus or guacamole.