Holding on to Faith

By Tymmarah Anderson

Has anyone else had a hard time holding on to their faith these past few months? Yeah, you’re definitely not alone. Growing up in the church, I was always taught never to question God, but with so much pure evilness happening around us, it feels impossible not to. 

It’s been incredibly hard to stay connected to my faith when my entire existence as a Black person continues to cause unrest. I can’t begin to recall how I asked God, “Why us?” or why anyone for that matter. And often, it feels like I’m just talking to myself.  

I was also taught early in my upbringing that God will never leave nor forsake me, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t questioned that one too this year. I mean, how could I not? 2020 feels like hell itself. Yet, I feel an immense amount of guilt for even allowing these thoughts to come to mind. After all, I still have so much to be grateful for, right? Sure I do, but it feels wrong to live happily while a Black man in Wisconsin gets shot in the back seven times as his children watch or a Black woman in Kentucky gets shot eight times while sleeping in her bed. None of it makes sense. None of it is fair — hence my question.

How do we stay connected to our faith when the world is giving us every reason not to? I wish I had anything remotely close to an answer, but I’d like to think we deserve a little grace in figuring it out. After all, if we had all the answers, we wouldn’t need faith in the first place – and quite frankly, faith is all we got.


Tymmarah Anderson is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC.

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