Staying Alive

By Jasmine Kelly

No lie– there is a lot happening right now. Between watching the news and people on social media telling you to “use this time to start your business,” it may seem as if you are not doing enough. I know I feel that way. I have prepared for whatever it is we are preparing for the best way I can. However, when I go into the grocery store, I can’t help but feel a little defeated and angry. Because no matter how early I get up to go to the store, the pickings are slim and the risks are high.

It also does not help that I see the majority of my timeline talking about how this is not a time to rest but to “grind.” I can’t. The only thing that I have found the energy to do these days is my mandatory work and daydreaming about life “outside” when things return back to normal. And you know what? I’m cool with that.

The only beautiful thing that has emerged from this chaos is clarity on what we consider essential and non-essential. To me, that concept goes beyond work. It’s personal. I have found myself only doing what matters and what I need to do. Everything else is secondary. That looks like watching reality television, calling my friends to laugh or lament together also just being moody and ignoring calls altogether.

The fact is that between navigating feelings of loneliness, despair, and nervousness, I don’t have much room for anything else. I am not saying that life is over, but it is hard right now. And that is okay. I would be lying if I didn’t say that some days are better than others. A few days ago, I got really cute just to go help my friend move (with safe social distancing, of course). However, today I find it hard to muster up the energy to participate in a scheduled phone call. Life comes at us fast. In the meantime, please remember that your sole ability to exist right now is enough.

Jasmine Kelly is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Jasmine is a higher education professional who believes in the powers of Black Twitter. You can follow her on Instagram @chicomydusty.

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