By Chanel Davis
I wanted to do a quick rant about narcissists! Have you ever had an encounter with a narcissist? Let’s start with the definition of what a narcissist is:
Noun – a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.
I am a sucker for being an empath and always finding the good in people. It is always in my nature to openly encourage people and help them see their full potential. This is just who I am. In friendships and relationships. I try my best to put myself in other shoes to be understanding of their position in certain situations.
But what do you do when you start to witness a pattern of people who show no fault and are only capable of caring about themselves and their well-being with little attention and care for others?
I had to break free from individuals who displayed this type of behavior. I found myself always listening to their problems and their life for weeks and months on end. They always talk about what is happening in their life, rarely ever caring to ask or show concern for others! I was beginning to feel emotionally drained for the hours of lending a listening ear and not ever getting a shoulder nor an ear in return. Exhausting!
Unbeknownst to me, I realized that I had helped to create this dynamic and support their self-righteousness. When I sometimes wanted to vent or talk about random things going on, I realized I couldn’t call on this type of person on the same level of comfort they could call on me. They were either unavailable or would turn the conversation around to be all about them! Shocking, right?!
I had to change this dynamic by protecting myself and not giving in to people who were only interested in only receiving. Receiving words of encouragement, wanting accommodations to only fit their life and schedule, asking for affirmations to help them feel better and comparing how great they were at certain things. All while making you feel guilty for bringing these things to their attention.
I feel any type of relationship should be a two-way street. You give, you receive and you most importantly, compromise!
Someway and somehow while doing all of this, a narcissist has a great ability to make you feel like you’re getting something out of the relationship or friendship when you are not. Simply by being their personal cheerleader. They know how to sprinkle just enough glitter of interest to make you feel like they care. Doing so, they know dang well once they are done with conversing with you, they won’t think about you until they need you again for another session to help stroke their ego.
Now don’t get me wrong, some narcissists are very aware of their characteristics. They are very intelligent individuals and are great at making you believe they are as great as they say they are. They are usually very arrogant, never wrong and are experts at making you feel your opinions are false to the point where you feel compelled to apologize for thinking differently than they do. Their ego is their currency. They are conditioned to stack up on it to withdraw the compulsory of their lack of worth.
These individuals hate to be called out on their wrongdoings. Every wrongdoing is an explanation usually ending in, “That’s just who I am,” or “I’m just misunderstood.” Never any admittance of fault! It’s always due to them claiming to be unaware or never being held accountable. They are used to getting their way. How do they get their way? By guilt-tripping those who dare to challenge them. By only keeping themselves surrounded by those alike or those who are weak-willed and easily manipulated.
If you are unsure if you have or are currently dealing with a narcissist, ask yourself these questions to identify if these characteristics fit the jack to the ass:
- Do they constantly enjoy talking about themselves and their accolades?
- Are you ever left feeling like you were barely able to get words in during conversations?
- Are they always dismal and needing you to constantly give them uplifting words of encouragement?
- When you try to express your feelings and opinion of their faults, do you usually end up apologizing for bringing it to their attention?
- After interacting with them, do you often want to slap them through the phone from their immense amount of self-loathing and self-appraisal all in one conversation?!
If you answered yes to most of these questions, you are dealing with a narcissist.
Now, run! Drop them off right where you found them. Protect your peace and don’t keep pouring into these types of people who can’t take the time to understand anyone or anything outside of the world they created.
Narcissism is no good for anyone who can’t see a world outside of their own.
Chanel Davis is a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Chanel is the creator and operator of the Diary Of A Chocolate Girl podcast aiming to connect with chocolate girls all over through personal experiences and opinions with mild humor and a spiritual flare. Be sure to connect on IG and Facebook @DiaryofaChocolateGirl.