By: Chanel Davis
Once upon a time, I was in a very dark place repeating a useless cycle of bad decisions. I was rebellious in listening to others and thought, “This is my life and I will live and make the choices that I want.”After doing this for several years and seeing the outcome of the disaster trail of regrets I had following me like a stench, I was in a very dark place where I could not find my happiness nor peace and I always felt alone. Even while standing in church! Can you imagine!?
I remember one year while still in college in 2011, I went home for Christmas break and I attended a gospel concert with my mom. We were dressed nicely like usual, myself in particular, dressed to cover the feelings inside that looked nothing like my exterior.
While me and my mom were listening to this gospel group sing, I had this overwhelming feeling I still cannot describe to this day. And the only response to that feeling was to grab by mom’s hand and hold it as tight as I could trying to stop tears from coming. But they came. Why was I crying? I didn’t know. Did my mom ask? No. She just looked at me, passed me a tissue and in that moment I felt she knew that the thing I needed most at that moment was the presence of standing with the Lord and the comfort of my mother’s hand.
Fast forward to 2016 when I was at another low, I was finally getting exhausted of 5+ years of the same cycle and to be frank, I think God was tired too. A lot changed me from 2016-2018. I experienced long hardships just like the Israelite’s did under the rule of Pharaoh. I was feeling oppressed due to my own corruption and makings. I was in my season of reaping all I had sown. And let’s just say it wasn’t a harvest of gold. My feelings were those of not being good enough, pretty enough, insecure with my body, constant comparison of what others had and what I didn’t, feeling like the world owed me something, longing to be wanted and loved, and ultimately looking for happiness in tangible things like people and material things.
But then came my revelation. I was ending my year of my first time completely reading the Bible from cover to cover. I was 28 years old. I had been in church my whole life and never took the time to read the bible. I had never given God that much of my time outside of attending church on Sunday and occasional bible study. And I am not in any way saying this is a must and requirement to be a Christian because it is not. Nor would I judge anyone who hasn’t yet. Although I highly encourage it!
While reading the bible the first time around, I didn’t quite understand everything I was reading but certain scriptures started to resonate with me more. I started to finally see how they were applicable to everyday life. I needed to read it to understand my Egypt and why it was necessary. I needed to see and read the word to know which weapons to use when my enemies would try to form weapons against me. If you don’t read and know the word, how can you fully be prepared to listen, navigate and receive all that God has in store for you?
In my reflection of reading through Exodus and Leviticus, I learned about when God saved his people from their oppression under the foot of Pharaoh and sending Moses to fulfill his promise to his people, it hit me clear as a bottle of Dasani. I now understood my years of trials, as preparation for God molding for where He was leading me, it was all intentional. I wouldn’t have been able to handle the blessings I have now and the ones that are to come if I didn’t go through my Egypt.
My Egypt was a process of transformation. I had to learn how to love and surrender to God, first and foremost. I had to see and experience the lows to not take the highs for granted. I had to hit all the walls and dead ends to be turned around and exhaust all options to realize that God was always my ONLY option. I had to see that everything failed because I didn’t put Him first in my decisions and in my heart. I learned what it meant to have compassion, to be grateful, honest and fall in love with myself. All things I didn’t know how to do correctly because I had created my own definition of what those things meant.
If you’re currently experiencing your Egypt the enemy wants you to quit. But don’t. Don’t ever look at what you are going through as unnecessary. In the moment, it may seem like it will never end and you may start to feel like you’re losing hope. Keep going, because once you get through that season and out of your Egypt, you’re going to have a glow on you like never before. Use your pain for purpose and tell your story to encourage others to keep the faith.
It’s totally necessary and totally worth it!
Image by: https://images.app.goo.gl/ftLpkfCamU4fKMp76
Chanel Davis is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Chanel is the creator and operator of the Diary Of A Chocolate Girl podcast aiming to connect with chocolate girls all over through personal experiences and opinions with mild humor and a spiritual flare. Be sure to connect on IG and Facebook @DiaryofaChocolateGirl.