By Ashley Williams
There has been this recurring theme in my life these last few weeks, and it has touched every aspect of my life. It took me a while to realize God was trying to speak to me and get me to understand something very valuable: letting go. He wasn’t just trying to get me to understand that I needed to let things go but also how to truly do it. Turns out letting things go isn’t an easy process. Actually, it has been super hard, and I’m still not completely there yet. But I am working on it.
First I had to ask myself, “Is there something I’m holding onto that I need to let go?” Of course, the answer was yes. There were multiple things I needed to let go of in my life. The most paralyzing one was, and still, is the act of worrying. I am a worrier; I worry about everything. I am an intense person who feels things deeply. What I now understand is that I don’t have to be a worrier. I don’t have to claim that identity despite telling myself for so long that I’m a worrier. I used this identity as a way to cope with the troubles in my life while never realizing the ways that worry may be holding me back. It keeps me from moving on, and it ultimately keeps me from trusting in God.
If I can be honest, the true struggle is not in releasing the worry, but more about if I can truly put my trust in God. I’ve become so accustomed to believing that because I’ve had 2, 3, or 4 back up plans is why I’ve gotten to where I am today. I’ve neglected the reality that it wasn’t my plan from the beginning; it’s been God’s plan the whole time. I consider myself to be a follower of Jesus, but yet, I can’t seem to fully put my trust into him. I’m trying, but it’s been HARD. However, I have to remember it’s a process. This process is bringing me deeper into my spiritual relationship and allowing me to be exactly where He intended for me to be.
It’s true; I don’t know where I’ll end up after graduation. I don’t know if I’ll get this car. But that’s the point right? The burden of life’s problems is way too much for me to carry, so I am putting it on Him. I still find myself drifting back into a worrying state, and that’s okay. I think that’s normal. What’s more important is that I don’t let it consume me. With worry in my heart, I cannot move forward. That’s the only true way I will be able to focus on God’s plan for my life.
Ashley Williams is a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC.