I recently finished binging season 3 of the hit drama, “This Is Us” and my favorite couple, the seemingly perfect Randall and Beth were the focus. Season 3 peeled back lots of layers, they both went through changes individually and naturally, affected their relationship. I learned a lot about the character Beth by the season finale I had the brightest light bulb go off, for two reasons, but this post will focus on the first.
I discovered losing my identity in marriage and motherhood is a big fear of mine, but I was not able to verbalize it until I finished the storyline of this past season. Seeing Beth rediscover her passion and deal with how addressing her needs altered her marriage and motherhood was eye-opening. I feel like at this point in my life, I am starting to rely heavily on the two feet I am standing on. It does not happen to everyone, but I do not want to lose who I am being someone’s wife or someone’s mother. I want to be ME. I enjoy forging my own path, making selfish moves that benefit my future, and being able to focus on personal development. I know women who do all those things while being married and with children, but I am definitely not ready for that.
And that is okay.
As many women my age start to experience, people ask me all the time when I plan on getting married and when I plan on having kids. I ask those same people what the topic of my dissertation is. If you do not know what I am focused on now, then I have no answer to your question on my future. I used to think something was wrong with me because I would hear about marriage and children and run the other direction. But there is nothing wrong with that.
I need people to respect that my focus at this moment is tied to my work and becoming established in my own right. It is extremely important to me. My choice not to marry or mother at this time or for the unforeseen future, that does not make any less of a woman, or better than those whose focuses are different than mine. I am evolving and things change, as I am always learning about myself, but right now, I AM FINE!
Ladies, do not lose yourself in what society says you should be doing. You will get there your own way in your own time! And know that if you have lost yourself, you can always find your back to your center. I learned from Beth that no matter what titles I pick up along the way, not losing sight of what makes me will keep me centered.
No matter what you have going on, keep some of your focus on YOU!
Madalyn McKnight is a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. A rare blackbird who has the range and a young black professional with impactful words! Follow her on Instagram and Facebook at @singsongblackbird and twitter @singsongblckbrd
4 thoughts on “This Ain’t Us: I’m Afraid of Marriage and Motherhood!”
Reblogged this on Singin' Blackbird and commented:
If you love This Is Us you know that Beth and Randall are goals…. maybe!! Check out my latest post!
Love this! I love how you titled it, “This Ain’t Us.” I laughed. I, too wonder if I want marriage and children. I like the idea of it. But I don’t know if I want the responsibility. I think about how my own parents lost themselves in it and still haven’t found their center again. I need time to be alone without worrying about someone else. I want to pay all my student loan debt and enjoy the lack of debt. I want to enjoy my first starter home alone. Thank you for discussing this.
Thank you so much! I get overwhelmed just thinking on it! Being debt free and single is a true GOAL! There is no expiration date on self-care! Do YOU!