By Madalyn McKnight
It appears that Beyoncé needed a remix for her massive 2016 hit.
Scrolling through Facebook and Twitter over the last few days and seeing commentary from men on recent Ayesha Curry comments have me rolling my eyes. I am reminded of the most quoted line from the 1998 Temptations miniseries:
“Ain’t nobody comin’ to see you Otis!” -David Ruffin
At this point, reading a fake woke thread from a man (or even a woman) on why Ayesha, or any woman for that matter, has certain thoughts and feelings men can’t fathom is literally exhausting. David Ruffin was on to something. So I’ll say…“AIN’T NOBODY COMIN’ TO HEAR YOUR INPUT”.
After the latest episode of the hit Facebook show, Red Table Talk, people are choosing to attack Ayesha Curry for HER feelings about HER self, and just like after the R. Kelly documentary, my Facebook friend list needs a cleanse from toxic masculinity (and yes, women can encourage toxic masculinity, too).
For some background, around a group of like-minded women, Ayesha expressed that she wants to feel desired in the face of insecurities that result from women fawning over her husband despite knowing he is fully committed. That has absolutely nothing to do with her loyalty to her marriage vows or her commitment to her husband. Although it’s hard for some people to understand, before she became a wife, she was a woman. And that identity remains true, no matter what other titles she picks up in her lifetime. Insecurity is not a “one-size fits all” thing. People (not just women) are insecure about a limitless number of things. She just wants to feel that as a woman, she is still able to be recognized for her beauty and the efforts she puts into making her womanly features shine.
But as always, men are the first to comment on things they do not understand. And those same men become politicians who pass laws, policing the bodies of the same women they still do not understand. I already told y’all I am exhausted, but the rhetoric is barbaric. This is also the reason that I am a feminist. I stand with her because although I am not a wife or mother, I do understand needing to always stay in tune with your identity and where you are in womanhood.
Let’s be clear; wanting attention from males does not mean we want the males themselves (read that sentence again, but more slowly). She is seeking reassurance! Beauty standards call for trendsetters and those who don’t adhere result in people feeling inferior when they don’t “shape up”. It’s a clear double standard, and in Ayesha’s case, keeping it real went wrong. Also, some people are giving themselves too much credit for their physical and emotional attractiveness and that same preconceived notion means a lot of what women say concerning their bodies and their sexuality gets lost in translation. For all we know, she has had this discussion with her husband and felt comfortable expressing that to the world. Either way, she ended up being ridiculed.
At the end of the day, people will believe what they believe, but Ayesha’s statement has given us a lot to reflect on concerning how we listen and treat women who seemingly have it all, but are still vulnerable, fragile, and insecure.
Once again, this situation has exposed how much this planet is a cruel world when it sadly does not have to be. We also are reminded that media and what people read (but don’t research) leads to a lot of projection of their feelings onto other people. We must negate the ignorance, but also be compassionate and understanding. There are a lot of Ayesha’s in the world! And I hope more people let the world know that insecurity is not taboo and also remind others that it’s okay to express yourself!
“AIN’T NOBODY COMIN TO HEAR YOUR INPUT”, or accept your rhetoric. Focus your energy on making sure the women in your life don’t feel the same way and spread love!
Madalyn McKnight is a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. A rare blackbird who has the range and a young black professional with impactful words! Follow her on Instagram and Facebook at @singsongblackbird and twitter @singsongblckbrd