Dear Sis, Loving Yourself Does Not Make You Selfish

By Tasha Mac

It’s 2019, and black women still believe that loving themselves, doing things for themselves, and putting themselves on their to-do list is selfish. I had a conversation with my best friend last week about this very topic. She is married with children, a wonderful woman of God, also my self-proclaimed Spiritual Soul Sister. My bestie has great ideas for business ventures that she has put on hold because she says she doesn’t want to abandon her kids to pursue her dreams. (Her children are not babies anymore.) It was time for me to step in, not only as a woman of God, but also as her sounding board so she can see from another lens how great of a wife and mother she is. Most importantly, I wanted her to see that she has been wonderful to her family; her family is thriving beautifully, and that is largely due to her loving diligence. Lastly, I said, dedicating a few hours a week to fulfill your purpose is not going to hurt your family.

I get it. As women, especially black women, we ALWAYS seem to put ourselves last. It’s like a badge of honor to always put everyone and everything ahead of us while completely disregarding the fact that we might be about to snap, crackle and pop. But, is this behavior productive? The answer is no. We are doing ourselves and those we love a disservice by not fulfilling our dreams and pursuing our purpose.

I’m a single mother of four daughters. The decision to pursue my education when my girls were younger was a difficult one, but I decided not pursuing it was a greater cost for us all. Yes, I wanted my education in order to better position myself in the job market and improve my earning potential, but quite honestly, it’s also what I wanted to do for me to fulfill my purpose. I dropped out of college in my younger, traditional student years. I always knew I was going to return because it was my destiny and a burning desire that would not go away. It’s because I loved my daughters so immensely that I had to show them that there are no excuses for not following your dreams. You either get it done, or watch it be done by others.

The point I’m making is that, you are just as important as everyone you care for, minister to, love and put on your priority list. Your dreams are important, and so are your passions and purpose. You have every right to show up for yourself just as much as you show up for others. The world will not stop spinning on its axis because you have decided to make yourself a priority. Please believe the more you put off making yourself a priority and fulfilling your dreams, you are going to become unhappy with everything and everyone around you. You will not have any inner peace.

Sister, the more you give yourself, the more you give to your loved ones. The happier you are with taking care of you and doing what makes you happy, the more you can pour into others who will in turn pour into themselves. Loving you and fulfilling your purpose is not selfish, it’s the greatest gift you can give to those you love.


Latasha “Tasha Mac” McGill is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tasha Mac is a grammar geek who is obsessed with coffee, high heels, lipstick, 90s R&B, and comic book movies. She is also a vegetarian whose idea of “turning up” is being in bed by 9pm, working out, watching HGTV and reading a book.

Connect with her on Facebook @ Latasha McGill, on Instagram @ TashaMac523, on Twitter @ LadyT523 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close