By Latasha McGill
Whenever the topic of money is introduced into relationships or marriages, everyone has an opinion regarding what they think is right. I’ve been seeing the money conversation for months; in every scenario, you can think of. The most popular: Is a man still a man if he and his woman are splitting bills? Is he considered a provider of the home if he isn’t paying for everything? The truth is, I can’t answer that question for anyone’s home. However, let me indulge in the conversation about a Black man’s money and the Black woman. It is almost considered a privilege for a Black woman to obtain any monetary or liquidated resources from a Black man. About a year ago a classic hip hop icon posted a meme on his Instagram page of the rapper Gucci and his wife. The caption said (paraphrasing) “She had cheater Gucci, drug dealer/user Gucci, in jail Gucci, “and so on and so forth and that’s how she got the ring. The hip-hop icon cosigned it saying this is what you must go through to get to the gold. I was appalled and livid, to say the least. Not to mention disappointed; with a loss of respect for one of my favorite rappers gone. Basically, a woman, no, a Black woman must endure suffering, trauma, and trials with a man before she is deserving of anything monetary from him? To be gentle with my wording, you got me messed up!
The Black woman is the most forgiving and loveable creature on the planet. We sacrifice everything, give all of who we are and what we have for the love of our men, and yet, every day I see a man posting a status asking if a woman will accept the bubble gum ring for a proposal, if she has kids, she isn’t worthy, if she wears lashes and wigs, she’s fake and not worthy, if she doesn’t split the bills, she isn’t a “rider.” I can go on and on, but I’m sure somewhere on your timeline, you’ve seen the same thing.
The truth is women want more than just money. What makes a man a provider is all that he is providing. I’ve known women to have a great financial provider in terms of a husband who was also a habitual cheater. I’ve known women to be in relationships with men who paid for everything all the time, but it cost them their peace. Personally, if all a man can provide is money, that is not the man for me. Don’t get me wrong, money is part of the pie, but it’s just a slice. What most women are interested in are those things money can’t buy. We want men to provide us with security, stability, and safety. Are we safe with you, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? Am I safe to share my scars, show you my open wounds, and you not use them against me? Women want to know if a man can lead us in the right direction. These things are more important than money because if he is doing all of this, his money will not be an issue at all. Even if he and his wife/partner are sharing bills and other expenditures, he will have her respect, which is priceless. A man who is providing love, support, compassion, understanding, and healing is providing a woman with things worth more than precious jewels.
If a man is questioning whether he is considered a provider because of his income or the bills he pays, he should be asking himself is he showing up in excellence for his wife/partner. And if a woman doesn’t consider her husband/partner a provider, she needs to be honest with herself regarding her needs and expectations and then have a conversation with her husband. Uncomfortable conversations are a part of healthy, loving relationships. Please do not assume your spouse/partner knows what your needs and expectations are if you do not communicate those with them.
Furthermore, healthy relationships provide for one another. When you have the right partner, they will provide you with all that you need and more.
Latasha McGillis a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tasha Mac is a mom of four adult daughters, a vegan, and a workout junkie who lives by the mantra Whole Person Healthy. It is her journey of total wellness in all areas of life. She enjoys encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring people to discover their own journey of total wellness and seek wholeness and freedom every day. Her favorite guilty pleasure is veggie chips with hummus or guacamole.