By Latasha McGill
A few weeks ago, my baby sister got married. The wedding was beautiful, and my sister was honestly the most beautiful bride I’d ever seen. Her physical appearance was breathtaking, but the joy that radiated from her innermost self was something you had to be there to feel.
I understand marriage is not a desire for everyone. Some women have either given up on it or have been married, divorced, and vowed never to do it again. Then there are those like me, who have been married, divorced, in relationships that have failed and still desire marriage. I’ve witnessed many spirited debates from the anti-marriage team regarding why it isn’t a big deal nor important. But, for many Black women, it is a very big deal. Marriage is the ultimate commitment and testament of the love between two people. I am convinced, no one loves like Black women. We have been hurt, abused, misused, mistreated, underserved, and devalued, and YET, we know real love is out there. We believe in its power and significance, and therefore, we still yearn for that ultimate commitment of a healthy and loving marriage.
The former experiences have taught us patience, self-acceptance, and true self-worth. We have learned and grown, and we’re not afraid to communicate our needs and desires to our partner. A woman shouldn’t be shamed because she desires marriage. There is no rule that says you must be married by 30 years old. Because it’s so sacred and God honors it so much, I believe it is for mature-minded people. Only you can determine if you’re ready for such a commitment, no matter how young or seasoned you are. Listen, sis, run your business, be the CEO, heal the sick, write life-changing books and still dream of your wedding day.
Furthermore, don’t let the FBI (Federal Bureau of the Internet) tell you what “wife material” is. If the truth is told, I’ve only seen that term applied to Black women. Wife material is whoever God made you to be for the man who is blessed to ask for your hand in marriage. Don’t think you must be a gourmet chef, a size 6, and earn six figures to be a wife because it’s lies. I’m not knocking any of those things, but that’s not everyone. The one thing I will not ever do is pretend to be someone I’m not for any man, especially so I can appear to be “marriage material.” I see women on social media dumb themselves down, saying how low maintenance they are or responding to statuses posted by men with all kinds of ridiculousness about what women should do. I shake my head. If my man wanted a woman who cuts her grass, rotates her tires, and wash, dry, and fold clothes on the same day, then I would not be the one for him because I’m real about who I am, and those things are not me. And that is okay, and I am still worthy. You must know you’re worthy. I am 44 years old, divorced twice, have four kids and three grandchildren, and I’m still worthy. Whatever happened in your past, whatever you’re healing through, it does not negate the fact that you’re wonderful and deserves love, and if you want to be married, you should be. Don’t ever feel that you should give up on being married because you aren’t right now. Another thing, please don’t let the FBI tell you what kind of wedding you should have. Seriously, the internet streets have rigid rules for any and everything. Sis, if you are a 50-year-old bride and want to have a wedding with ten bridesmaids and wear a long, lace gown, do it!
My heart is rooted in the happiness of Black women. I love to see them happy, healthy, and thriving because often, that woman has been through a lot of hell to get to the heaven she has. So, when I see women getting married at any age, at any time, it makes my heart smile. Sister, if you desire marriage, don’t give up, you’re worthy, and it’s going to happen at the right time with the right person.
Latasha McGillis a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tasha Mac is a mom of four adult daughters, a vegan, and a workout junkie who lives by the mantra Whole Person Healthy. It is her journey of total wellness in all areas of life. She enjoys encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring people to discover their own journey of total wellness and seek wholeness and freedom every day. Her favorite guilty pleasure is veggie chips with hummus or guacamole.