By Quasha Ross
The other morning I met up with a friend for brunch and girl talk. Of course, the conversation shifted to romantic relationships, and for the first time in a long time, I was honest with myself about where things went wrong.
Honestly, no one I’ve ever dated really saw me. They saw me in the physical, but that’s just a vibration. They never rolled up their sleeves, picked up a shovel, and began to dig into the depths of me.
I wanted to be asked about my childhood. I want to be asked about past trauma and how I overcame it. I wanted to be pursued with intention, and I still do. I want to be so seen that a sigh, a look, a twitch, would have him asking me for insight into my deepest thoughts. I want to be seen. Not seen in a “look at me” kind of way, but in a “learn me” kind of way.
Although both parties in a relationship must strive to learn each other, some won’t. There will be those who want your body and not your mind. They will want all of your highs and not your lows. They will want all of you and give nothing in return. They will pretend to see you.
The thought of never really being seen in any of my relationships hurt me. Even though those relationships have ended, the thought of my true person never coming to the forefront because she was never longed for or sought out, hurt. It hurt because who I truly was didn’t seem to matter much. She was overlooked. She didn’t receive the care she needed because no one cared to ask if she was there. As a woman, especially a Black woman, we are fighting for so many things. We are fighting for equality, a voice, understanding, protection, and so much more. In a world where we’re always fighting for something, being seen is the care we need.
Although it’s vital for me to be seen, it’s even more critical that I see myself. I’m no longer taking quick glances at myself. I am gazing into the evolution of me. I am staring at the essence of me. I’m seeing, I’m learning, I’m healing. I realize that even if no one ever sees me, seeing myself is all that matters. I will no longer become lost in the oblivion of suitors, in the words of strangers, or the shadows of others.
Once you see yourself, you see it all.
Quasha Ross is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. She’s a creative writer who believes writing is a true art form. Find Quasha on Instagram @quashaross_