By Quasha Ross
Whenever I heard the word boundaries, I automatically related it to romantic relationships. In my opinion, setting boundaries means stating what you will and won’t tolerate; it’s simply teaching someone how to treat you. As crucial as boundaries are, I never thought to implement them in friendship.
I read a quote that said, “Boundaries are not meant to push people out of your life, but they’re meant to keep them there.”
A few years ago, I had a girl tribe of five, a fantastic group of women, and we were cool with each other, but we didn’t have a filter at all. We threw shade all day, and we seemed more like frenemies than actual friends. We should have set clear boundaries in that friendship, but we didn’t, and I think we’re no longer friends because of it.
A boundary I have for my friendships is to keep a line of open communication. I prefer to be friends with people that are open to direct communication, just in case there’s a problem we need to resolve. I’ve lost many friends due to a lack of communication. People get their feelings hurt, or they feel some type of way, and you never hear from them again. Friends are harder to make as you get older, so I want to keep good ones around.
We are not supposed to be doing life solo. We need a tribe that will correct us when we’re wrong, back us up when we’re right, and cheers on when we need it. When boundaries are clear, they can keep friends from walking on eggshells around us. It can stop friends from ghosting. It can eliminate unnecessary issues and bickering. Most importantly, setting clear boundaries helps filter friends. Those who respect the boundaries will stay, and the ones who don’t will scatter.
Nowadays, when I meet a possible friend, I ask upfront what their boundaries are. If they don’t have any, it gets them thinking about what limits they should implement. I ask about boundaries because I want my friends to know that I respect them and their wishes; it also allows me to share my boundaries.
My boundaries in friendship include:
- Open & honest communication
- Don’t share my secrets; let me share them
- Please ask before emotionally dumping
- Hold me accountable
- Let’s be ratchet together, respectfully
- Please be able to interpret my side-eyes and blank stares
- After one eye-roll, please don’t try to hook me up with dude no more
So, have you thought about your boundaries yet?
Quasha Rossis a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. She’s a creative writer who believes writing is a true art form. Find Quasha on Instagram @quashaross_