Black Women, It’s Ok to Be Tired of these Dating Apps

By Tanay Adams

Whew; I’m tired of swiping!

I’ve probably downloaded and deleted various dating apps on and off my phone over 20 times throughout quarantine. Every time is the same. I build my profile, select five or six dope pictures of all sides of myself, and write something short and cute (which is also something I happen to be). I review my profile and images until I’m happy with it representing me, and then I swipe through the photos. The first 5 are a no, the next 10 are a hell no, and by the time I’ve had this profile for all of eight minutes, I’m ready to delete it. That is until I see a profile of a guy that decides to fill out the bio section, knows how to take a good picture, has a car and career as well as something in common with me. We match because I want to see what he’s about, and he comes with the energy I like, so we start talking. This lasts for about two weeks or so, and then the energy changes, communication sucks, and boom, he’s canceled. I swipe back through the app I haven’t been on since I met, dude, but that only lasts for about 5 minutes until the app disgusts me, and then I delete the app… only to download it again next month.

I say all of this to say that I’m tired of starting over every month. With these apps and these men. To be fair, I do live in a small town in Kansas, so the amount of Black men here is extremely low, and from that population, the number of them who prefer Black women is even lower. This means I’m constantly running into the same profiles and profile types, and the few Black men who do have it together; know that they’re few, and so they don’t apply any pressure, and it’s beyond tiring! Even my girlfriends who live in other parts of the country feel this way during the quarantine, but because it isn’t safe anymore to meet people out, we have to deal with this dating app fatigue.

We don’t want to have another conversation about our favorite colors, songs, or foods, and I for sure don’t want to tell another man about my dreams or goals, to have this same conversation again next month with another one. It’s already exhausting swiping through profiles and trying to decipher if you could connect with someone by the vague things they say (if they say anything), but it’s even more exhausting meeting people who won’t be around at the end of the week. Sharing your time with them, inquiring about their day, and even making a choice to call and facetime them is labor, and this can get tiring if it isn’t yielding the results you want. I commend you to the Black women who are still holding strong on these dating apps because it genuinely isn’t easy. There is great strength in the ability to start over, and the fact that you’ve decided to end the interaction and seek what you deserve takes real courage. Keep swiping these profiles and setting your standards for the men that you choose to share your time with. Keep remaining open to love and new possibilities through connections, and at the same time, remember; it’s ok to be tired of it all too.


Tanay Adams – Tanay M.A. is a contributing writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tanay’s passions lie in holistic education and creative/poetry writing; both are heavily influenced by her love of Black Women, and her love of creation. You can follow her on Instagram @theamazingtanayzing.

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