Crushing the Stigma of a Victim Mindset

By Ke’Ana Lampkins

As a young Black Girl, I am very blessed to have the story that I have. I know many Black Women who have been in abusive relationships, sexually assaulted by those whom they know, and as well as strangers. I know Black Women who have been played by men and tricked into having kids by them. I know many Black Women who have lost loved ones. The list goes on. Everyone has a story. 

That is one thing all humans have in common: struggle. It’s something that we are guaranteed while on this earth. One thing about struggle is that it doesn’t feel good, and often we are praying it away. And if we aren’t careful we can let that struggle and pain debilitate us into being stuck in that pain.

When we go through things, it’s normal for it to temporarily paralyze us, but it’s not okay for it to put us in the grave. Have you ever met someone or had a friend that was talking to you about a problem but all they could do to provide a solution to the problem was to complain about it? Sometimes even go as far as to put down your suggestions and advice to help themselves out of their pit?

That is a classic example of a mindset that has turned over from the victor to the victim. You can take no responsibility for your life, and it becomes someone else’s fault for why you are where you are. The key difference between a victim and someone venting or processing life is that they are unable to dig themselves out of the hole. They are riddled with hopelessness, powerlessness, and negative self-talk and even lower self-confidence. 

I want to be mindful and say that for some they may even struggle with depression and that makes it even more difficult to get out of the hole. But there is help and there is hope for the person who wants it. This kind of work may best be done with a professional who can help you navigate from underneath the pain that could be at the forefront of your life. 

But here is a start for those who want the help: the first thing you can do is change your narrative. Stop thinking about things as if they happen to you, and think about it as it’s happening for you. There is a reason for everything. Now please know that I am not saying that there is a reason for sexual assault, abuse, etc. But what I am saying is that painful situations in your life can be used to boost your strength and likely help someone else in a similar situation. 

Don’t allow the painful situations in your life to debilitate you and rob you of the joys of life. Thrust yourself forward and challenge yourself to grow and learn from the things that happen (if appliable) and use it to write your story.

Ke’Ana Lampkins is a contributing writer for The Pedestal Project, LLC. Ke’Ana is a Christian, wife, and mother dedicated to empowering young girls and women through counseling, mentorship, and education. Connect with her on Instagram @Beautifully_Yanni