By Chanel Davis
I have always been a supporter of Black Love. I am enamored when I witness and hear stories of black couples who have endured long years of trials and events of life in choosing to keep a bond and ultimately inspiring young black individuals like myself. Growing up, it has always been my dream to love and marry a black man. It is what I grew up around and all I know. But recently, reflecting on dating and who my future partner will be God has created for me, I have grown to wonder if that person will be outside of my race?
Recently, I did and oh boy! I think my apprehension of meeting and getting to know someone not black or of African descent is my fear of judgment. Will my family accept them? Will the individual I am dating understand my blackness and culture? Am I a sell-out if I do date outside of my race? Will it be something real to them or will I be a fulfillment of a fetish?
I have seen many opinions and responses online when there is a well-known celebrity either dating or married to someone outside of their own race. For instance, we have seen on plenty occasions a black professional athlete dating or married to a white woman and our first thoughts are, “Soon as they get famous, they go and find them a white woman.”
I recently saw actress Tika Sumter post her husband on her IG for valentine’s day and people were so ruthless in her comments. One that I can recall was, “What is this beautiful black queen doing with this white boy?! Kings we have to do better!” This was a black man, of course, who made this comment.
Another comment stating, “She could have done better!” a comment from a black woman. But what is defined as “better”? The color of her spouse’s skin or just any individual who looks like her?
Sumter was previously married to Hosea Chanchez, an actor from the acclaimed show The Game, for three years. Since divorced she’s now happily married to Nicholas James, a white man, and they have a beautiful daughter. My thoughts initially were maybe she didn’t look at race but it didn’t work with Chanchez because it wasn’t meant to be. If someone isn’t fulfilling your needs, what’s the harm in them finding someone who does? Even further, what does it matter is they aren’t the same race?
I think on my past relationships and while some were great, others were nightmares. All of which were with black men, but I can never seriously say I would cancel dating the whole race due to the mistakes of those men. They don’t define and represent black men as a whole. I know plenty of great women married to black men who are great counterparts to their partners. Strong, supportive providers who are real deal solid rocks!
Love is love and everyone deserves someone who loves and appreciates who they are and if it works and is bringing them happiness then wish them well, even if you don’t agree with their choice. No one deserves to be ridiculed or outcast due to their personal preferences. My preference happens to be happiness. Respect. Loyalty. A God-fearing individual. Whether those preferences are met by a black, white, brown, blue, red or yellow individual is my choice.
I have matured to be more open-minded on dating outside of my race. I will be honest and say that I would be nervous about what friends and family would say because everyone isn’t as progressive as you would hope. And let’s be clear, everyone isn’t a free thinker to break from their own traditions sometimes. Me included.
And just to be clear, this is not a single, black woman swearing off black men. I will always love and admire our black men because they carry and hold a light of eminence that no other could ever duplicate.
Never let the thoughts of disapproval of others stop you from doing what is best for you. I will always be an advocate of stepping outside of your comfort zone. In this case, you might find love stepping outside of that box. Do what makes YOU happy. I found a quote by Julia Roberts that resonates well with this post:
“I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn’t matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; There are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together.”
Chanel Davis is a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Chanel is the creator and operator of the Diary Of A Chocolate Girl podcast aiming to connect with chocolate girls all over through personal experiences and opinions with mild humor and a spiritual flare. Be sure to connect on IG and Facebook @DiaryofaChocolateGirl.