It Takes a Lot for Black Women to Heal

By LaTasha McGill

As Black women, we go through a lot, we’ve been through a lot, and we deal with a lot. We have more on our plates than most people of other ethnicities in our circles. (Don’t debate me). It isn’t until we have suffered childhood trauma, one failed relationship after another, sometimes single parenthood, and rollercoaster familial relationships until we realize and are ready to address. We need healing. Most of us live with build-up trauma and negative experiences until we cannot go on a moment longer. A few years ago, I had an epiphany and realized I needed to heal from years of trauma. Like many other topics, words such as trauma and healing were not discussed growing up. Black women were told, “What happens in this house stays in this house.” And, unfortunately, we carried that creed into adulthood. So, what happens in our house, i.e., our minds, hearts, and souls, stays right there—eating away at us like cancer.

It’s 2021; we are done with suffering in silence because society has labeled us “The Strong Black Woman.” We’d much rather be the Happy Black Woman, the Whole Black Woman, and the Healed, Living in Peace Black Woman. However, it takes a lot for us to get to a place of true healing and live a thriving life. I say this because, we must heal in the midst of our everyday lives. Black women are labeled, criticized, ostracized, and stigmatized for EVERYTHING we do. We are the most fascinating of all God’s creatures because we are always the topic of conversation everywhere. Nothing we do is right, real, or respected enough, whereas we get the love and credit we deserve, and that’s the end of it. Why must we be picked apart for our past? That was always the sore spot for me, the past mistakes of my youth and young adulthood. I felt as if everyone saw them, whether they knew me or not. I had to constantly make up for them by exceeding expectations and overworking myself at everything, including parenthood. Oh, but when I began to heal and love myself not just on the surface, but truly love ME and discovered my true and valuable worth, my past no longer controlled me, and I no longer was afraid of anyone trying to use it against me. I am not bound to my mistakes, and using my past against me is like trying to rob a house I once lived in. I don’t live there anymore, and those aren’t my belongings. I live in a new home now, one with peace, freedom, love, understanding, growth, and compassion.

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When I began to heal, I confronted everyone who had hurt me, including myself. I didn’t call, text, or visit them. I did what I knew how to do, and that was to write. I wrote letters to everyone and expressed my hurt, and released them and myself. It was liberating for me. I didn’t realize how much was buried inside of me. Tears were streaming profusely, and I felt weight lifting and my soul shifting. This was not an overnight process. I don’t want anyone to think I wrote some letters and years of trauma was evaporated. I had to choose to shift my paradigm to mentally, physically, and emotionally let go of behaviors, thoughts, habits, patterns, keepsakes, and other items that were reminders of the broken me. I wake up every day and choose to live in a healed state of mind.

There are some things I am not yet fully healed from, and to be quite honest, I’m not sure that I ever will be. But even those deep-rooted traumas do not define me, nor do they overtake me. I have learned how to live at peace even with that. I trust God, and He keeps me in a peaceful place with my emotions. Healing is a journey. I’m on this journey every day. Sometimes, I am met with triggers that test me. The good thing is the journey has taught me to recognize my triggers and deal with them immediately. I can have an honest conversation with myself and my loved ones about my triggers and my feelings. I am grateful for this because I now have healthy, meaningful relationships. When a Black woman finds healing, she truly discovers herself in a way she has never known herself before. In this season of my life, I am comfortable discussing my needs, setting boundaries, and being what I call “At One With Myself.” At One With Myself is my unapologetic me time; doing or not doing anything I wish to do without feeling guilty for not filling that space with someone else’s needs or wants. I enjoy being At One With Myself. I am recharging and drowning out the noise.

Healing isn’t the same for everyone. We’ve all had our own trials, tribulations, and traumas. But healing is for everyone. It is never too late to discover your journey of healing. Be patient and honest with yourself and give yourself grace. When I found healing, I also found forgiveness, hope, peace, and a floodgate of blessings waiting on me. And, when you find your healing, you will, too.


Latasha McGill is a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tasha Mac is a mom of four adult daughters, a vegan,  and a workout junkie who lives by the mantra Whole Person Healthy. It is her journey of total wellness in all areas of life. She enjoys encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring people to discover their own journey of total wellness and seek wholeness and freedom every day. Her favorite guilty pleasure is veggie chips with hummus or guacamole.

17 thoughts on “It Takes a Lot for Black Women to Heal

  1. Wells aid and written! Thank you LaTasha.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Typo Well Said…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much, Malanda!


  2. Love this! “Holding my past against me is like robbing a house I no longer live in.” Speak! Healing is the foundation of wholeness. Thank you for spotlighting that healing is necessary.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I appreciate your support.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Love this. Americans have leaned on Black Women too hard for too long. Thank you for sharing. “We’d much rather be the Happy Black Woman, the Whole Black Woman, and the Healed, Living in Peace Black Woman.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! You’re exactly right!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. OMG!!! Guuuuhhhh!!! MY SISTER!!!! I was amening almost every other sentence here!! I too am SO TIED (yes, tired without the r) of being called a “strong black woman!” I agree “We’d much rather be the Happy Black Woman, the Whole Black Woman, and the Healed, Living in Peace Black Woman.” But like Zora Neal Hurston wrote in Their Eyes Are Watching God…the balck woman is the mule of the world. This resonated with me on SO MANY LEVELS!! Thank you!!


    1. Yes sis! You get it. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your feedback. Many blessings to you. 🙏🏽


  5. Such a great read! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Queen! 🙏🏽


  6. S.S. Mitchell June 4, 2021 — 2:49 PM

    Wonderfully written. I’m glad you’ve found peace with your past and have opened yourself up to new blessings and abundance.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Blessings to you. 🙏🏽


  7. This is so profound and relevant to so many black women and young girls! It is a struggle to heal from the things that we once thought served us sufficiently. I have started my own journey to healing so I can totally relate to having to wake up everyday and make a conscious choice to be the very best version of myself. Good luck on your journey!


    1. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your feedback. You are right. So many young, black girls and women can relate. Most of us are healing through something. I wish you all the best on your journey as well! 🙏🏽


  8. This was so well written and portrayed. I am currently on my own journey of healing. I think I will use that letter writing technique as well, it sounds very cathartic. Thank you for your transparency and your words.


    1. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your feedback. The writing technique was extremely helpful and a therapeutic release for me. Although I didn’t mail any of the letters, just writing them and reading them to myself was a breakthrough. I wish you all the best on your healing journey. 🙏🏽

      Liked by 1 person

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