By LaTasha McGill
As Black women, we go through a lot, we’ve been through a lot, and we deal with a lot. We have more on our plates than most people of other ethnicities in our circles. (Don’t debate me). It isn’t until we have suffered childhood trauma, one failed relationship after another, sometimes single parenthood, and rollercoaster familial relationships until we realize and are ready to address. We need healing. Most of us live with build-up trauma and negative experiences until we cannot go on a moment longer. A few years ago, I had an epiphany and realized I needed to heal from years of trauma. Like many other topics, words such as trauma and healing were not discussed growing up. Black women were told, “What happens in this house stays in this house.” And, unfortunately, we carried that creed into adulthood. So, what happens in our house, i.e., our minds, hearts, and souls, stays right there—eating away at us like cancer.
It’s 2021; we are done with suffering in silence because society has labeled us “The Strong Black Woman.” We’d much rather be the Happy Black Woman, the Whole Black Woman, and the Healed, Living in Peace Black Woman. However, it takes a lot for us to get to a place of true healing and live a thriving life. I say this because, we must heal in the midst of our everyday lives. Black women are labeled, criticized, ostracized, and stigmatized for EVERYTHING we do. We are the most fascinating of all God’s creatures because we are always the topic of conversation everywhere. Nothing we do is right, real, or respected enough, whereas we get the love and credit we deserve, and that’s the end of it. Why must we be picked apart for our past? That was always the sore spot for me, the past mistakes of my youth and young adulthood. I felt as if everyone saw them, whether they knew me or not. I had to constantly make up for them by exceeding expectations and overworking myself at everything, including parenthood. Oh, but when I began to heal and love myself not just on the surface, but truly love ME and discovered my true and valuable worth, my past no longer controlled me, and I no longer was afraid of anyone trying to use it against me. I am not bound to my mistakes, and using my past against me is like trying to rob a house I once lived in. I don’t live there anymore, and those aren’t my belongings. I live in a new home now, one with peace, freedom, love, understanding, growth, and compassion.
When I began to heal, I confronted everyone who had hurt me, including myself. I didn’t call, text, or visit them. I did what I knew how to do, and that was to write. I wrote letters to everyone and expressed my hurt, and released them and myself. It was liberating for me. I didn’t realize how much was buried inside of me. Tears were streaming profusely, and I felt weight lifting and my soul shifting. This was not an overnight process. I don’t want anyone to think I wrote some letters and years of trauma was evaporated. I had to choose to shift my paradigm to mentally, physically, and emotionally let go of behaviors, thoughts, habits, patterns, keepsakes, and other items that were reminders of the broken me. I wake up every day and choose to live in a healed state of mind.
There are some things I am not yet fully healed from, and to be quite honest, I’m not sure that I ever will be. But even those deep-rooted traumas do not define me, nor do they overtake me. I have learned how to live at peace even with that. I trust God, and He keeps me in a peaceful place with my emotions. Healing is a journey. I’m on this journey every day. Sometimes, I am met with triggers that test me. The good thing is the journey has taught me to recognize my triggers and deal with them immediately. I can have an honest conversation with myself and my loved ones about my triggers and my feelings. I am grateful for this because I now have healthy, meaningful relationships. When a Black woman finds healing, she truly discovers herself in a way she has never known herself before. In this season of my life, I am comfortable discussing my needs, setting boundaries, and being what I call “At One With Myself.” At One With Myself is my unapologetic me time; doing or not doing anything I wish to do without feeling guilty for not filling that space with someone else’s needs or wants. I enjoy being At One With Myself. I am recharging and drowning out the noise.
Healing isn’t the same for everyone. We’ve all had our own trials, tribulations, and traumas. But healing is for everyone. It is never too late to discover your journey of healing. Be patient and honest with yourself and give yourself grace. When I found healing, I also found forgiveness, hope, peace, and a floodgate of blessings waiting on me. And, when you find your healing, you will, too.
Latasha McGill is a Contributing Writer for the Pedestal Project, LLC. Tasha Mac is a mom of four adult daughters, a vegan, and a workout junkie who lives by the mantra Whole Person Healthy. It is her journey of total wellness in all areas of life. She enjoys encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring people to discover their own journey of total wellness and seek wholeness and freedom every day. Her favorite guilty pleasure is veggie chips with hummus or guacamole.